In the months after your child starts kindergarten, you probably worry a bit about whether he's comfortable and doing well. But unless you're volunteering in the classroom and can see for yourself, you may find it difficult to tell; after all, five-year-olds are seldom great communicators.
Here are a few ways to gather information:
Ask your child at dinnertime. Studies show that kids who eat a sit-down family dinner do better in school, and the reason is simple: The nightly check-in keeps parents in touch with how their children are doing. Stick to questions that must be answered with more than a yes or no, such as "What did you talk about during 'sharing' today?"
If your child's teacher sends home newsletters or schedules, use the information to ask specific questions: "Hey, what did you think about that book about frogs?" Remember children this age have very active imaginations, and only some things you hear will be grounded in fact.
Check with your child's teacher. In the best of all possible worlds, teachers would promptly let parents know when their children begins to struggle. But it doesn't always work that way. Don't wait for open house night at the school. If you suspect a problem, speak with your child's teacher. Ask to schedule a conference, and bring your written notes, observations and questions about your particular concerns. And remember to ask the teacher precisely what you can do to improve the situation.
Question fellow parents. While dropping off and picking up their own children or during a field trip, the parents of your child's classmates may have made observations or overheard comments that would shed light on the situation. At birthday parties and other gatherings, bring the conversation around to any concerns you have. You might say, "Bobby says he's tired of art. Have you heard anything about it from Wendy?" You may be reassured to learn that all the children are having trouble with the latest drawing project.
Put it in perspective. Remember that your child can't be at the front of the learning curve in every subject. He might struggle with his letters but be a whiz at memorizing poetry. Every student has strengths and weaknesses, and learning to adapt is part of the educational process.
What should I do if my child is struggling?
Kindergarten is your child's introduction to the world of education -- a place where he will spend a lot of time over the next 12 years. If he doesn't enjoy school or begins to feel inadequate, his enthusiasm for learning will dwindle; it's essential to take steps to make the kindergarten year a positive experience.
If, after a few months of school, you feel that your child isn't happy, or if the teacher reports that he's having a difficult time, there are several things you can do to be informed, get involved and strengthen your relationship with your child's teacher. Try to find out exactly what the problem areas are. If, for example, your child has trouble listening to and following instructions, your child's teacher may be able to suggest activities you can do with him at home to foster this skill.
Some organizations can help you monitor and help with your child's progress. The National Institute for Literacy provides a checklist of reading skills and handy tips for what you can do to sharpen your child's reading skills.
If he needs more individual attention, you and the teacher can discuss ways to resolve this. Consider:
Volunteering in the classroom
Allowing the teacher some extra time with him
See if a teacher's aide can work with him more intensively
As the year progresses, your child's teacher might conclude that your child's skills are lagging behind his peers and recommend that he repeat kindergarten. When you get this news, try not to get upset or make snap decisions. Request a second opinion in the form of an evaluation by the school's educational psychologist (such testing services are available through public schools to all students, even those who attend private schools).
Preliminary testing can tell you, his teacher and specialists whether your child's development is within the range of expectations. Suppose there is concern that your child's skills are very far behind the others in his class. In that case, he should be referred for a more in-depth evaluation to determine whether his specific needs require special education or related services.
The range of what's considered normal in kindergarten is quite broad, and it is more likely that your child may simply have some catching up to do. He may surprise you with an intellectual or emotional growth spurt before the next school year starts.
One alternative to having your child repeat a grade at the same school is to enroll him in a specially designed "transitional" class. Seeing a need, some schools (mostly private ones) have created classes to accommodate children who aren't ready to attend kindergarten or first grade. Also called " pre-k" and "pre-first-grade," these transitional classes are designed to have particularly flexible curricula and provide lots of individual attention, aiming to boost the self-esteem of struggling learners.
If you ultimately decide your child would benefit from repeating kindergarten, make an effort not to see this as a failure on his part. Children develop at different rates and often blossom when the pressure has lowered a notch or two. Furthermore, your child's much better off repeating a year in school now rather than when he's in fifth or sixth grade. In a few years, you and your child will barely remember that he gave kindergarten a second go.
